Back in May a friend notified me of a post on social media, a request from a journalist looking to speak with online Dominatrices about our experiences. Coincidentally I had been thinking about being more vocal about my personal views on Female Domination, and given I cut my teeth in Professional Domination using an online platform, I replied to the post:
"I could be interested, providing it is respectful to my clients"
After a few messages back and forth a telephone interview was arranged for the following day. Of course I had my reservations, concerns that a hack job may be done of whatever I had to say, but I didn't run into the interview eyes gleefully shut or dancing in a moment of easy spotlight. First and foremost I had myself both personally and professionally to protect, secondly and just as equally I had my subs and clients to protect from the point and laugh mentality of the ignorant. The entire point of my speaking with the journalist was to voice the truth in that everyone, absolutely everyone has a fetish be it sexual or not. My objective in participating was to normalise, even for a moment, the joy people find in alternative practices some may judge as unconventiona at best or sick at worst.
Printed May 21st. Eyeing over my copy during a lunch-dinner hybrid.
Before the interview took place I made two stipulations. Firstly that I wanted the first draft to view and amend if necessary before going to print, if that could not be agreed on I would withdraw at that point. Secondly I would not disclose names, pet names or professions of those I speak with. The interview lasted an hour covering many aspects such as sexual development and the discovery of fetishised desires, societal pressures leading to shame, isolation, repression of needs and internalised disdain due to lack of understanding in others. But of course I was eventually pressed for 'weird' things I'd done with clients online. I plainly said that I don't consider any of my clients needs weird, If I were simply a webcam girl playing the part of a Dominatrix from her laptop in her bedroom to make money, entertaining anyone and everyone who wants my time then I might find some people 'weird'. However I am a Professional who has had a hand in the adult industry since 1998, who has grown along the way and continues to learn and develop as a professional and who absolutely accepts that those I speak to as clients are are human beings worthy of respect in return.
Needless to say, when I received the first draft of what was proposed to go to print it was full of sensationalist garbage which was swiftly edited and sent back. If it wasn't going to be signed off on I was willing to withdraw right then and there. My truth telling and normalising wasn't quite the 'experience' the journalist or editor had understandably hoped for, hence what was printed was a mere snippet and cherry picking of the edit I returned. I do however fully admit I have spoken with my dear Mother in a facebook chat window while available to webcam, several times. Never while I've been engaged in webcam time with anyone. And yes I once worked at ASDA, back in 1998. I left my job in Management (not ASDA) in 2010 to focus on and pursue my development and career as a Domme, again, not quite as sensationalist as the possibility that the deviant woman behind the computer screen may have been a shelf-stacker - I wasn't, for the record.
So was it all worth it? What did I gain from speaking to a red top? I grasped a brief moment of opportunity to put the message out there that everybody has a kink, and if that started any conversations between couples, friends, lovers or even singletons with professionals about opening up and accepting themselves; yes it was totally worth it.
The fee paid to me for my participation in the article has been donated to Backlash:
"Backlash UK is an organisation that defends freedom of sexual expression among consenting adults in UK. We provide legal, academic and campaigning advice."
If you work in the UK adult industry or support those who do, I urge you to support backlash and the great work they do. www.backlash.org.uk